Kara Faith's Monument

Today, Kara Faith's new stone was installed at her spot in the park. It is lovely! I wanted to take her daisies, but it is October and so I settled for a lovely white rose for my Peanut. A vase has been ordered to fit in the little spot on the left. I miss her a lot now. I remember how it felt this time last year as she was moving inside. I am not all sadness, though. Sharing this brings me joy and honors my little girl. To read her story go to Sweet Kara Faith.

On the Home Front

Just a little catch-up on the home front here...

We just started our 11th year of homeschooling. My students this year are Dan (6th grade), Max (4th grade), Tommy (1st grade), and Eden (K4). Joshua is 2 and just doot-doots around. We joined a Co-op that meets once a week. I am teaching history to the 3rd-4th graders. The kids are getting a lot of out it so far.

Celeste (19) is taking classes at Sante Fe College. Her proposed major is secondary education. She is very interested in teaching high school history. Currently, she is volunteering in a 2nd grade classroom. Next month she will have been working for Publix for 2 years. She is a cashier and a bagger for them. Celeste is involved with RUF (Reformed University Fellowship) and loves it! This college youth is sponsored by the Presbyterian Church and they have chapters on many campuses. Celeste is living at home right now, so we have 7 children at home.

Jamie (16) is a junior at the local, rural high school. He finished last year with a 4.2 GPA and has just been inducted into the National Honor Society. He is taking very challenging classes this year which include: AP U.S. History, AP Language, Chemistry Honors, Pre-calculus, Spanish 2, and Culinary 3. He's very active in church youth and is going to be playing guitar for them during youth group. Also, he works as a ref at the local paint ball park.

My husband, Stuart, has his federal firearms license and owns a gun shop. Also, he makes custom holsters. It has gotten a bit busier, of late, which is good! We are attending a new church and loving it. The ladies are meeting tonight for a coffee house and I am really looking forward to it. It's nice to recharge my batteries. Being a mother and wife is so demanding--even more so when you homeschool and have a large family.

A couple of extra thoughts--Eden is taking ballet and loving it! She is a girlie girl for sure. Joshua is just a riot. He finally says "yes" when he means "yes" now. It comes out, "Zess." He LOVES the garbage man! Mondays and Thursdays he is quite excited when they come in the morning and back down our street. His delight in this simple thing is precious!

We are still mourning our precious daughter, Kara Faith. Today I am thinking on her quite a bit. I want to order her heart-shaped headstone, but we haven't don that yet. I remember being pregnant this time last year and how that felt. She was safely tucked inside. Things have settled down now. Less people respond. It's that time where her death is still SO REAL to us, but life goes on and others forget. It is okay with me for my friends and family to mention her, to say her name, to ask about how we are. I love to share about my daughter. It's all I have. I covet your prayers...

Just Coasting

Ahhh, home--my blog page. It probably wouldn't be a surprise for anyone for me to admit that I struggle some days with the home going of my sweet baby girl, Kara Faith. Recently, I attended a baby shower for a lovely young lady that is having her first baby, a girl. I rejoice with her. What I didn't expect was that during opening the gifts I started to realize that Kara would never wear those cute baby clothes, or take a bath that needed a cute little hooded towel, or use a pacifier. It has been almost 4 months since she left us, but I still have those moments where I'm right back to the last days she was with us, or the feelings I had right after her death. We never had a baby shower for her--not even a small one. In the back of my mind when I was pregnant with her the question was, "How do you have a baby shower for a baby that you don't even know will live?" That was heartbreaking to think of. I suppose it still is.

Kara Faith dressed in her clothes for the 1st time!

Clothes I bought and didn't know if she would ever wear...

Grief is like a roller coaster. Some days you are up and some days you are down. I had someone express to me that has lost a baby recently that sometimes you are afraid you'll get stuck in the spiral on that roller coaster, too. I have had those days and am very familiar with them. My husband just pointed out to me that we started grieving for Kara Faith at 15 weeks gestation. God has been good to us. He has given us peace during this process. I somewhat feel that that peace is starting to lift and I am feeling her life and loss more acutely than before. It may be that I just stuffed it all in a box and was trying to keep the lid on it because it was too much to deal with at the moment. We made some hard decisions in the wake of her leaving us. Life has just been hard in other areas that would be a challenge under normal circumstances, but we were truly walking through a fire... We are currently praying for direction in how to proceed with home schooling, Stuart's work, and acquiring a new peace and joy in our lives. The "new normal" is a daily adjustment. Jesus is standing right by me through this and is not offended at my ramblings. He can handle my grief. He is the most sure thing that exists in this world.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?.... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8: 35 & 37-39

Fridays

Fridays are special around here because of Little Miss Peanut Kara Faith. So today the girls are wearing purple. Well, my friend, Carly, has twins named Sydney and Abby. Abby has HPE like Kara Faith. They are wearing purple today, too. Please hop on over to their blog and see these cute little gifts from God. I feel very cared for by this gesture!

CUTE GIRLS IN PURPLE...

A Celebration of Our Sweet Kara Faith

Kara Faith spent 45 days in the Level III NICU at Shands Hospital and another 4 glorious days at home with our family. We are so thankful for that special time with her. Please visit her webpage listed in the sidebar for more information on our "Little Peanut" and a link to the foundation we've created in her name.



(Please scroll down to turn off the music before viewing the slideshow)

Months ago, as I was searching for information on HPE online, I decided to start a blog for Kara Faith. God led me to tell her story to encourage others who may, in the future, go through similar trials. In my wildest dreams I never imagined what impact Kara’s little life would have on so many people! Only God could do that! I am so humbled to have been part of God’s plan. I feel so blessed to have had the privilege of being Kara’s mommy and to be able to share her story. My sincerest hope is that Kara Faith has inspired hope and increased the faith of many. Our tiny baby has strengthened my marriage, grown my own faith in Jesus, and has shown me how completely in control God is—and it is good! There is no need to waste time on fear for He has ordered everything down to the last detail. Remember this, in Psalm 139 it says that God has gone before you and behind you and knows all of your ways.

My Kara Bear

Here is Kara Faith after a bath. I love the sweet hat that one of the NICU nurses found for her to wear! Hop on over to her blog to read an update on her. We are praising God for every sweet day with her and the miracle and blessing of her life! God is good!

Our Little Miracle Has Arrived

Kara Faith

January 8th, 2010

6:42 a.m. via C Section

5 pounds, 14 ounces

We are praising God she is here! We need continued prayer for the days to come and trust Him with every precious day we walk with our sweet baby.

God is BIG Enough

(Baby Kara Faith @ 29 weeks)

They say that I am crazy for letting you be born,

But one look at your angel face makes crazy all the scorn.

They say we can’t afford you–that you’ll need a lot of stuff,

But your pudgy cheeks remind us that our God is big enough.

They say it’s strange–seven kids so far–and ask what’s wrong with us,

How could we know that proof of married love would cause this fuss?

God’s Word tells me He made us, so when they look at you,

I’ll tell them not to ask me why, because He made you too!

Kelly Crawford

(I found this poem on Generation Cedar.)

30 weeks pregnant with Kara Faith

Yay For Eden!!

Super News! Eden is now officially potty trained! Woo hoo! Currently, we have one child in diapers. I was trying to remember the last time that was the case. It must have been over 3 years ago when just Tommy was in diapers. At one point, when Joshua was born, I had 2 in diapers and 1 in pull-ups for quite some time. For the past week, Eden has been wearing underwear and had NO accidents. I declare her trained. I told her I would buy her a pack of Cinderella underwear and she says, "No, Mommy, I want Tinkerbell!" I'm hoping they make 'em.

So we have a reprieve until Kara arrives. IF we get to bring her home, then we'll have 2 in diapers again, but I won't care. Kara is doing quite well. There are periodical updates on her blog page. We go for a 3D/4D ultrasound this Monday, November 16th. I can't wait!

Cute Little Pregnancy Ticker

Hurting and Hope

Sleep is elusive. Between our puking Jack Russell and cute Eden in our bed, I am awake in the wee hours. Since Kara's diagnosis I awake at odd hours and my thoughts click on and I can't seem to turn them off. We are hurting. Hurting and wishing for things that may never be. Hurting for there have been things done and said. Sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself. I have taken it to the Lord in prayer and await His response to my grief, my sorrow, my pain. And I believe He answered with this: "but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Sweet little babies,
it’s hard to understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would… (Glory Baby by Watermark)

Diagnosis

Kara Faith, 15 weeks, 5 days

Last Wednesday, August 12th, 2009, our baby girl was diagnosed with Holoprosencephaly (HPE). We saw Dr. Richards at Shands at UF. We weren't given too much information at the time of our appointment. Dr. R drew a picture and wrote the name of it down on a piece of paper. He told us our baby would not live very long once she is born. At almost 16 weeks, her other systems looked normal on the scan, which was good. He didn't detect a cleft lip/palate on the ultrasound. He said that my pregnancy should go to term. A possible problem could be overabundance of amniotic fluid due to the baby having trouble swallowing (polyhydramnios). We ask for specific prayer that this would not happen. We will go back to Shands for another ultrasound with Dr. Richards at 22 weeks. There is so much to tell, but the past few days have been trying. We are praying for a miracle from Jesus for our daughter. If that is not His will, then we are praying that He would transform us through this situation and use our baby girl as a testimony and instrument of His grace.



I had an appointment with my favorite OB yesterday. It was not encouraging, but the ladies that I have met on the holoprosencephaly support group I joined are very supportive. Meanwhile, I'm trusting in God and am thankful for ALL the prayers we are receiving. We really feel them!

Kara Faith comes from: Kara which means "Pure" and Faith which was given to me after some prayer. God gave me the word Faith and a scripture to go along with it a couple of weeks (8/1/2009) before we knew what we were having or that we would be on this journey of faith. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." I wrote this note, "For we do not always know where we are going, but we can trust in Him who does." Wow, God is so faithful to meet us at our need!

So, I believe that the gift of Kara Faith is going to take us on a journey of pure faith. I am thankful for a special name for my sweet little girl.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

I will be updating about Kara as I am up to it on her blog Sweet Kara Faith.

Changed forever

I am now almost 16 weeks pregnant. Yesterday I went in to see my OB and he did an ultrasound in which we found a problem with our sweet baby. She, yes she, has a partially developed brain. The outlook is not good. I know I serve a BIG GOD and He is going to walk me/us through this. I am praying for a miracle, but barring that I am praying for His strength to guide me as I go day by day. We have an in-depth ultrasound this afternoon and will be talking with a specialist. Please pray for our sweet baby girl and our family. Thank you!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13

Coming Late January 2010...

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139: 13-16
Wow! Some days that is all I can say... I choose to focus on the sovereignty of God. He knew all of this, that I would be a mother to so many, before I was born. I think He must have a huge sense of humor because I am really not doing this very well. We need prayers for provision more than ever. Please bless my husband in his endeavors to support our family--especially in this downturned economy and tenuous political time. I am currently 11.5 weeks along. I don't feel too terribly bad. I really could use more help. Too bad Jamie is gone for the summer. He loves to cook and does our family cooking when I am feeling sick. This ultrasound was from my 1st appointment. It looks like Dr. M wants to do another C-Section as it would be my 3rd. Also, please pray that some would have a kind word instead of criticism as my life is more challenging than ever and I don't want to deal with strife and others' negativity right now.